The files confirm, with the full authority of the American government, that the American government has seen some things. They cannot explain the things. They are releasing the things. You can look at the things. What you do with the things is your business. God bless America.

This reporter has reviewed the posts, the press releases, the statements from Pete Hegseth, Tulsi Gabbard, Kash Patel, and NASA Administrator Jared Isaacman — all of whom said the words "unprecedented transparency" within 90 minutes of each other as if they had rehearsed it, which they almost certainly did — and can confirm the following: There are dots. There is a football. There is a lot of infrared video of things that look like smudges. And there are Apollo astronauts describing the sky looking "like the Fourth of July," which is, in retrospect, either the most American sentence ever spoken on the moon or the most alarming.

The real juice — and there is juice, India, there is definitely juice — is in the Apollo 17 transcripts.

In 1972, astronauts on the moon looked out their window and saw, and this is a direct quote from a declassified US government document released today: "a few very bright particles or fragments or something that go drifting by." Another astronaut then added, and again this is real: "There's a whole bunch of big ones on my window down there — just bright. It looks like the Fourth of July out of Ron's window."

The US government classified this. For fifty-four years. The Fourth of July comment. Classified.

NASA's official position, which it maintained from 1972 until approximately this morning, was that these were ice crystals or debris from the spacecraft. NASA's new position, as of today, is: "We will remain candid about what we know to be true, what we have yet to understand, and all that remains to be discovered." NASA Administrator Jared Isaacman delivered this statement with the energy of a man who has been asked a question he cannot answer and has decided that sounding philosophical is an acceptable substitute for an answer.

The files are hosted at war.gov/UFO. This is a real URL. The United States of America has created a government website with the URL war.gov/UFO. This reporter would like to note, for the record, that India's government UFO portal, should it ever exist, will be hosted at something like uap.gov.in and will have a broken Captcha and a PDF that takes eleven minutes to download.

The war.gov/UFO portal crashed within minutes of launch. This is because millions of Americans, conspiracy theorists, journalists, bored office workers, and at least three foreign intelligence agencies all visited simultaneously. The Department of War described the crash as "high interest." This is the same thing Indian government websites say when IRCTC goes down during Tatkal booking. The aliens, presumably, were not inconvenienced.

The portal also prominently features the programme's acronym: PURSUE — Presidential Unsealing and Reporting System for UAP Encounters. Someone in the Pentagon spent meaningful working hours constructing a backronym that spells PURSUE. This person is being paid by American taxpayers. This is fine.

In February, former President Barack Obama told a podcaster that aliens were real. He later "clarified" that he meant the odds were good that life existed somewhere in the universe — a statement so carefully walked back it could qualify as an Olympic sport.

Trump was furious. "He gave classified information. He's not supposed to be doing that," Trump told Fox News. Trump then, three months later, released all the classified information himself.

Obama has not commented. Obama is, in all likelihood, sitting somewhere very quietly, watching this unfold, saying nothing, because saying nothing is always the correct move when your successor is releasing your classified alien files on a website called war.gov/UFO.

If the aliens have been visiting Earth since at least 1972 — which is what the Apollo 17 photos suggest — they have overflown Indian airspace at some point. India has the world's busiest airspace. Nobody flies over India without DGCA issuing four notices, two delays, and one gate change.

ISRO has not commented. The Indian Air Force has not commented. The Ministry of External Affairs has not commented, which means either they have nothing to say or they have classified something and will release it in 2080.

The more pressing Indian question is this: if aliens are real and have been visiting Earth, have they tried Indian food? Because if they have, they are not leaving. This would explain why certain UAP reports describe objects that hover in one place, move erratically, and then completely disappear — possibly because they found a dhaba.

The Department of War's statement concluded: "The American people have asked, and President Trump delivered — enjoy!"

Enjoy. The word they chose, for the UFO files, is: enjoy.

Somewhere, 54 years ago, an Apollo 17 astronaut looked out of a spacecraft window at something that looked like the Fourth of July and reported it to Mission Control and then it was locked in a vault for half a century and now it is on the internet with the caption: enjoy.

We are living in a simulation. The simulation has now released its own source code. You can access it at war.gov/UFO. No clearance required.